Red Lipstick
by MisaPummelman
Summary: A little two-shot to make up for the severe lack of Kurt in the last episode. AU, with many OC's, but the pairings and shit is at the bottom of the page.


AN: This is the first part of a fic I'm writing. I planned to wait until I'd written both parts, but I really want some feedback before I post the second part. This is very AU, with plenty of OC's, and a secret Kurt-endgame. Warnings and pairings are at the bottom, 'cause unless it won't be a surprise.

Title: Red Lipstick

Author: MisaPummelman

Wordcount: 3 093

**Red Lipstick**

Kurt Hummel sat, as usual, in the front row in the choir room at William McKinley High school, anxiously waiting for Mr. Schue to arrive. By his left hand side was the ever fashionable Mercedes Jones, and by his right; his best frenemy Rachel Berry. One should never call her fashionable, for no matter what the other two did to try and convince her that mini-skirts, animal sweaters, knee-high stockings and Mary-Jane's were a big no-no, she refused to listen.

The trio was inseparable, and they knew everything about each other. Kurt knew that even if Mercedes was dating Shane right now, she was still longing after Sam. Mercedes knew that even Rachel had her doubts sometimes, and she would even admit that Rachel made a better Maria than her, not that she'd ever tell her that. Rachel knew, 100% in her heart, that the reason Blaine and Kurt had broken up was because Blaine wanted to go all the way while Kurt wasn't ready. She knew that Kurt Hummel was an innocent, pure, virginal young man, who was waiting for the right man in his life before he would let anything go down in the tent. (She knew this, because she knew Blaine had been the only boy in Kurt's life.) He was, to her and to probably a lot of the others girls in the school, the perfect boyfriend-material. He liked shopping, beauty-treatments, gossip, and chatting. There was only one flaw; Kurt Hummel was capital G gay.

The other members of the New Directions were chatting among themselves as they waited for their surprisingly late teacher. All heads turned and all chatter quieted when, instead of Mr. Schue, a tall, latino boy with a killer smile, jet-black short-cut hair and the most amazing almost purple eyes and a shorter white-as-snow girl with icy blue eyes, blood-red hair and purple-painted lips walked in and stood in front of the class. The glee-club watched the new-comers with curious eyes, they were strangers to all of them.

"Excuse me, where is Mr. Schue and who are you?" a flustered Rachel Berry wondered. She was never a fan of surprises or change. Everyone was so busy with questioning the new-comers that no one noticed one Kurt Hummel sink lower in his chair.

The guy just grinned, flashing adorable dimples that had the girls swooning. "I am Zander, although you can all call me Z, and this lovely lady by my side is called Doll, though her real name is Adelle," the guy answered pointing first to himself and then to the girl. "I'm guessing you are Rachel Berry?"

"Well, yes, but where is Mr. Schue?"

"Mr. Schue has decided to take a week off with his paranoid wife once she heard there was flu-season again." This was spoken by the girl, who looked bored at her nails. "We heard of it, and asked to be the substitutes this week, and your failure of a principal agreed as soon as we said we were volunteering."

"Yes, so I guess we should get to know each other a little bit, huh?" Zander asked with a little smirk lurking around his lips. "Well, we know who almost all of you are, but I'm guessing you don't know who we are?"

"Let's start from the top, shall we?" Nobody answered the obvious rhetorical question, even if Rachel looked like she really wanted to.

Adelle looked to the back row, beginning with Puck. "I think you are Noah "Puck" Puckerman, self-proclaimed resident badass and sex-shark, who is actually just a scared little boy with Daddy-issues."

Ignoring the protest from said "badass", Zander took the next one; Quinn. "Going by the hair, uniform, necklace and expression on your face, you're Quinn "Baby-Mama" Fabray, who thinks now that your little baby is no longer in sight your life will just go back to normal. Dream on, Princess"

"And I'm guessing you lovely ladies are the so-called "Brittana", or Brittany and Santana." Strangely enough, they had no bad words to say about them, just a wink before they continued to the next person.

This continued, ending with Mercedes, Rachel and Kurt in the front. "As confirmed earlier you are obviously Rachel Berry, "star" of the glee-club and on-again-off-again girlfriend to the Doofus, and you," pointing to Mercedes with a black fingernail Doll continued, "are, judging by the clothes, color, attitude and facial expression Mercedes Jones, self-proclaimed Diva with a capital D, dating the quarterback who used to beat all of you guys up whilst pining after one Mr. Trouty Mouth."

The club had shut up after the first ones had been reamed for even trying to talk, and was now waiting to see what they had to say about Kurt.

"You know Z, I don't think he's in today," Doll said with a pout on her pretty face. "You're right, Doll, I don't see him anywhere, but there is one guy left here who I don't recognize."

Doll's attention focused on Kurt, who refused to look up at them and was hunched over in his seat. The members of the club thought that was because he didn't want to hear what they had to say about him. Boy, were they wrong.

"Come on now; look up so we can see if we recognize you."

When Kurt took a breath and finally lifted his head, he almost started laughing at the look on their faces. When Zander and Adelle turned to each other as if they did not believe their eyes, he couldn't stop anymore and started laughing. The glee-clubbers didn't understand what was going on, so they just sat with weird pinched looks on their faces.

"No! There is no way that that's you, Ryker!" was finally spluttered out of Z's mouth. Doll's just hung open. Kurt just laughed harder as Rachel countered; "Of course it isn't, that's Kurt Hummel you idiots!" Zander and Adelle just looked at her like she had just said the stupidest thing ever, and for them she had.

Kurt stood up from his chair and walked over to the two teens who were still looking at Rachel. "Guys, those guys don't know my middle name is Ryker, they think it's Elizabeth."

"Why the fuck would they think that, you're a guy!"

"Well yeah, but I've said it's to honor my mom, or some shit"

"Okay yeah, we can accept that for now, but what the fuck are you wearing dude?" Zander asked as he pulled Kurt into an intimate hug, his hands resting low on his hips. "There's like, layers here. And there are no holes, or rips, or chains or any of the usual stuff."

Kurt laid his arms around Z's shoulders as he returned the hug, and kissed his cheek. "You've heard me describe the people at this school. Do you really think they could handle all that being the regular me entails?" Kurt smirked as Z and Doll nodded their agreement.

"What the fuck are you guys doing here anyway, don't try to pull that Mr. S shit on me, I know when you lie, remember?" Kurt pulled back from Z's embrace and pulled the shorter Adelle to him, fitting her head in between his head and shoulder. She looped her arms around him and kissed his neck lightly in greeting, but didn't let go afterwards.

The New Directions were staring at Kurt, they had never heard him swear in all the time they had known him. It almost seemed weird coming out of his mouth.

"I was actually telling the truth, dickwad, but Doll and I are here because we wanted to meet the Nude Erections you keep yapping about."

Kurt laughed at the old joke, and stroked his hand up and down Doll's back. "Ry, you're wearing too many clothes, I don't feel close enough." Doll said as she tried to get closer to him. She lifted the back of his shirt to stroke his smooth skin, and she revealed a bit of black ink before the shirt fell down again to the continued surprise of the ND.

"Wait, you mean that all of what you said about us was what Hummel really feels about us?" an outraged Quinn Fabray stated. "Yup, 'fraid so, darlin'," was the answer Z gave her.

The trio standing at the front of the room ignored the outburst from the rest of them, as they hugged again before Kurt went to his seat again. He didn't acknowledge the stares from both sides of him, just stared at the newcomers with a smirk on his face.

"So, what are ya gonna teach us this week, oh mighty substitutes?"

"Shush, you prick. We were gonna let you do whatever the fuck you wanted to, but now I know exactly what theme we shall have this week. This is both so that the rest of you will get to meet the real Kurt Ryker Hummel, and so that Ry, Doll and I, and possibly Brittana, get to have a right laugh." Kurt snorted as Z strutted towards the whiteboard and wrote "Sexy" on it.

"We already had that theme last year, with the help of another substitute actually," said Rachel with confidence that they now had to let them do what they wanted and she could perform another Broadway classic.

"Alright," said Doll, "What if we do this then?" and she wiped away the "y" so it now just said "Sex". "You gonna tell me you've had a whole week where you have to sing a song that's about sex, and not being sexy before? I really doubt that, considering the Christian, paranoid loser you've got for a principal."

That shut Rachel up and put a grin on Kurt, Brittana and Puck's faces. Although the last one frowned quickly again.

"You telling me that the so-called "real" Kurt Hummel knows about sex? Please, he's like the biggest prude ever, and if he has ever so much as seen another guys cock you can slap my ass and call me Daisy! The Hobbit told me himself that the reason they didn't work out was because Kurt wasn't ready to pop his cherry yet!"

"Come down here and I'll slap your ass, Daisy," said Kurt as he turned to look at him. "I broke up with Blaine because he was fucking boring, okay? Whatever lies the dick has been spreading around I don't care, and thank you all for being such good friends that you believe someone you've met a handful of times instead of the guy you've gone to school with for almost 4 years." Kurt turned back around to the front and met Z's eyes. "See why I don't mix the crowds? They wouldn't believe it if it came up and licked them in the face"

"So you're saying you're not a virgin?" Kurt rolled his eyes at Doll before he turned to face Rachel. "Trust me honey, I am not a virgin in ANY sense of the word, okay? And I also didn't lose my cherry to Blaine, Noah. Yes, of course I knew you were gonna ask that. We did have sex, but it was fucking terrible and it was the reason we broke up."

The club took a minute to let all this new Kurt-information sink in. Brittany spoke up.

"Does that mean I was not your first kiss, Kurtie?" Kurt turned to look at her and tell her that no, of course it wasn't, but then he saw the tears in her eyes and he got up to hug her. "No Brit, you weren't my first ever kiss. But I'll tell you a secret. You were my first ever lady-kiss, and I'll always remember you and thank you for that, okay baby?"

Kurt looked at Santana and smiled as he handed Brittany over to her as she calmed down again. "Virgin in _any _sense, Kurt? What you mean by that?" Santana's smirk was gloating as she dared him with her eyes to tell the truth.

"Yes, Satan, I'm not a virgin in any sense of the world. Name a sexual action and I've probably done it." This caused laughter from the two at the front and confidence to appear in some of the others' eyes.

Puck started the inquiry: "So you've popped your cherry?" "Duh" "Popped someone else's cherry?" "Yep" "Who?" "Not that it's any of your business, but among others Blaine's." "Who popped yours?" "The magnificent guy standing behind me." "You two fucked?" "Why are you so surprised? Of course we did, we still do, on occasion." "Huh" "Anything else before someone else starts asking questions?" Puck got a lustful glint in his eyes. "Do you swallow?" Kurt grinned and turned to look at Z. "Well, do I?" Z smirked back at him. "Oh yes, he does. He deep-throats, too." Kurt turned his grin towards Puck and looked into his eyes. "Wishing you could try me on, Puckerman?" Puck groaned at his low and husky voice and could do nothing but nod. "Hm, who knows, maybe luck'll strike ya one day." Kurt winked before he turned to Santana, who he knew would have kinkier questions. He was enjoying this more than he probably should, but the cat was already out of the box now so why hide?

"I'm guessing you've got other questions on your mind, Satan." "You bet'cha. Up for a little heart-to-heart fetish-slash-kink-edition?" "Bring it, bitch." "Alright, I'll start you off easy. Spanking." "Not much for doing the spanking, but smack my bare ass with a bare hand and I'll be at your knees, or over them if you prefer, in a second." "Hmm, good to know. How do you feel about bondage?" "Mm, to a degree. Consensual with safewords and all is fine, but I'm not much for blind-folds. Bad experiences." "Understood. Any fetishes we should all know about?" "Hmmm… I do have a hard case of trichophilia, and, if I'm being completely honest here, a sense of urolagnia." "Really, that's why you won't let anyone touch your hair?" "Mhm… If anyone were to do so in a public place I'd most likely moan out loud and get wobbly feet. It is unbelievable how little is needed."

"Wait a minute, you're into watersports?!" Puck exclaimed, now looking even hornier. "Mm, yes. That a turn on for you, big guy?" Kurt looked at him with innocent eyes. "Hells yeah! I don't get anyone who's into that around here, not even the cock-hungry milfs or even Satan here!" Puck looked ready to attack him, but Santana held him back. "Wait, Puckerman."

She got that little evel glint in her eyes again. "I know just the right question to ask next." "Shoot." "This I know for a fact is a huge turn on for our boy here," she said, patting Puck's Mohawk lightly. "You wouldn't happen to have got any tattoos or piercings, would you?" at this Doll laughed and threw her head back. "Has he ever!" Kurt just smirked.

"I thought there was some chatter about a song, Z?" he said and turned to his friend/part-time lover. "There was, Ry, but you got sidetracked by all the sex-talk." Z smirked back at him. "Yeah well, you could've stopped me at any time." "Nah, it was good seeing you act like yourself among this group of your friends, as well as us." Kurt just gave him a warm smile. Then he smirked again. "We gonna do the one we've been practicing?" "Hells yeah, I can get some of the girls to come and help with back-up. Any particulars?" "Ask Audrey, Angie and L, I haven't seen them in a while. If they're not free, whoever." "Aight, anyone else you want to come now that we're doin' this?" "Sure, get the guys to come too; you know they've wanted to watch since we've started rehearsals." "That'll probably take some time to arrange, sure we can use the auditorium that late, as we won't be getting this done until tonight." "Sure we will, just say that we're having a late-night rehearsal. I'll deal with Coach as she'll probably interfere." "Alright. You got the costume or do you have to home and get it?" "I have it at home, but I have to go there anyway, so."

Z pulled out his phone and started calling people, while Brittany raised a hand. Doll let her ask her question; "Kurtie, you said you weren't a virgin in any sense of the word, does that mean you've had sex with a girl?" Before he got to say anything, Rachel piped in with; "Of course he hasn't, Brittany. He is 100% gay, after all." as if it was completely impossible for her to believe Kurt might be into females. "Why don't you let Ryker answer for himself, Man-Hands?" said Santana and looked curious towards Kurt. She had to admit, she did not think of that when they had their little conversation. Kurt looked at Rachel with a funny look on his face as he said; "Of course I have, I said every sense, didn't I?" and then he laughed at the hurt and almost betrayed look on Rachel's face. "What, She-Hobbit, are you wondering why he didn't tell you or why he hasn't tried to get with you? I can admit, even if I am now a 95% lesbo that Kurt Hummel here, is one hot piece of man-flesh I would not mind sinking my teeth into. But even I would never go for you, because you are just not desirable in any way what so ever."

"So, you're bisexual, then." said Mike as he laid an arm around Tina's shoulder as she leaned forward to join the conversation. "Nope, if I were to label myself, I'd probably say that I'm homoflexible. You know, I'm gay, but shit happens." He grinned and walked down to where Doll was standing. "Wanna join me home and help me practice?" he leered at her, playing with their audience. She caught on and said; "Hm, depends." "On what?" "If you let me suck your cock or not." Splutters could be heard from the club-members. "Well, if you must." Kurt said, pretending it to be hardship.

"Wait, have you two slept together?" asked Finn as they walked towards the door with Kurt's arm over Adelle's shoulders and her hand in his back pocket. "Sure we have, several times." Kurt replied, not turning around. "He's the best cunt-licker in town, so of course we have." Surprised gasps followed them out of the choir room, content grins on their faces.

-Fin-

AN: Yeah, this is the first part, the performance and the endgame will be revealed in the second part. Hope you liked it, and that you'll leave a review :)

Warning/Pairings: NonVirgin/innocent!Kurt, swearing, oblivious!ND's, Kurt/MOC, Kurt/FOC, hinted Puckurt, slash.

Misa.


End file.
